My prayer is that the Resource Hub will inform, give practical ideas, encourage, provoke thought, inject hope, and remind you how good God is.
My husband, Daniel, and I have always responded to the needs of our children in ways that felt unconventional, but necessary. Everything from naps to sleep environment to socialising to clothing was done our own way, aiming to show Christ’s love while gently responding to the needs of our three children. We knew our family worked differently to a lot of the families around us.
When our eldest daughter was formally identified as being autistic, we found a whole community of families who also parent differently: loving families, responding to the real needs of their members, living lives that don’t look like everyone else’s. As we joined this community, we realised just how many of us there are, walking a similar road.
There’s real richness in this difference too. God has filled the world with diversity, and given us diverse perspectives by which to appreciate it. My autistic daughter has remarkable sensory perceptions, and she has taught me to notice smells, sounds, textures, light, and colours in ways I had never been aware of before.
Yet living differently to those around you can bring real difficulty. Many neurodivergent people experience the world with pain, anxiety, sadness, and they may have co-occurring conditions that add further complexity. On top of this, being different can bring loneliness. Families may be met with impossible expectations from those around them, or experience exclusion. Our job as parents isn’t simple.
The Resource Hub exists for exactly this: for families navigating a life that looks different to the families around them, and the very real Christian questions it raises.
The hiddenness
For many of us, part of that difficulty is a particular kind of hiddenness. We may feel like extended family, friends, church, school, or society don’t understand our family or our needs. Sometimes we hide the reality; at other times we share it, yet we might not feel understood or believed. This sense of hiddenness can leave us feeling lonely, and without the support and adaptations we need to thrive.
Amelia* is a Christian woman married to a Christian autistic man, and they have autistic children. She tells me,
My full experience of parenthood feels hidden from much of the world. In some spheres of life I just seem like a bit of an overprotective and over-reactive helicopter mum, who should just give my kids a chance to spread their wings. I know because I had weekly meetings at the primary school with the deputy and other staff about absences. This was their sentiment, and they barely seemed to believe what I described happened at home, as the girls were so polite, good, calm and ‘normal’ at school. Basically, they were masking and just holding on until home time when the change was like flipping a switch.
— Amelia*
I hear this from a lot of parents, that their neurodivergent children are quite different at home. If you’re doing this largely on your own, whether by circumstance, separation, or because your family has never had two parents at home, that weight can be heavier still, and harder again to explain to people who assume there’s always someone else sharing the load.
We may feel hidden from some around us, but what a beautiful thing that as a family, we don’t have to be hidden from each other. As we work to understand each member of our family better, we can pray that God will help us work together with the abilities, difficulties, and limitations that we each experience, no matter our neurological make-up.
If this is not yet your experience of family, don’t give up hope. Pray for connectedness amongst your family members, and work on fostering positive relationships at home, we’ll look more at this in the Resource Hub.
What’s inside the Resource Hub
- A core video and a booklet for you to record your reflections in
- A video and reflection questions three months after you’ve started your access
- A growing video library you can pick and choose from according to what’s relevant to your situation
- Resources for you and your child to work through together: posters, checklists, activities, reflections, and more
Videos on things like meltdowns, shutdowns, energy, hyperactivity, regulation strategies, caring for yourself as a parent, communication with churches, making church easier for your family, and so much more. We also look at the Christian questions we carry about identity, faithfulness, and what it means to raise our families well before God. As new topics come up, or I am asked questions by families, new videos are added, so you can always come back to find something new.
My materials include voices of Christian neurodivergent adults and children, Christian families, and those who support people and families in this space. In all my work, I use the Bible, current research, my own research (I am an honorary research fellow at Mary Andrews College), and voices of Christian neurodivergent adults and children and their families.
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
Psalm 139:1-5 (NIV)
Our circumstances are not hidden from God. Our efforts and sacrifices are seen by him. And when we do fail our families, as we all do from time to time, we don’t need to be afraid that those moments are also seen by him. We have forgiveness and life if we accept Christ as our Saviour. We are seen, and so very loved.
Join us
You aren’t alone, whether you’re walking this with a partner or carrying it largely on your own.
Kate
Names have been changed.